Managing Anxiety With Tips That Work

Tips for Managing Anxiety through Acceptance


“Let it be.” Many of us are familiar with this phrase from a popular song. The Beatles perpetuated the idea of acceptance. The message is simple, it’s going to be okay. This is a song that can provide comfort to people on their most difficult days. 


Anxiety can be an unpleasant experience with an array of symptoms. Types of anxiety include separation anxiety, specific phobia, social anxiety disorder, panic disorder, agoraphobia, and generalized anxiety disorder. Anxiety affects people in many different ways. Anxiety can cause distress in multiple environments including work, school, and home. It can also put a strain on relationships with family, friends, and coworkers. Much anxiety comes from dwelling on the past and anticipating the future. At times, anxiety can impact the ability to connect with others.


The Anxiety and Depression Association of America notes that 18% of adults experience anxiety, as well as 25% of 13-18 year olds. The DSM-5 classifies Generalized Anxiety Disorder as:

1. Excessive anxiety and worry (apprehensive expectation), occurring more days than not for at least 6 months, about a number of events or activities (such as work or school performance)
2. The individual finds it difficult to control the worry
3. The anxiety and worry are associated with three (or more) of the following symptoms:
   1. Restlessness or feeling keyed up or on edge
   2. Being easily fatigued
   3. Difficulty concentrating or mind going blank.
   4. Irritability
   5. Muscle tension
   6. Sleep disturbance

Many people respond to anxiety with avoidance. This includes using unhealthy coping skills such as avoiding triggers, physical sensations, people, or tasks. Others respond to anxiety by overeating, drinking alcohol, or using drugs. In many instances, this is an attempt to numb uncomfortable feelings and emotions. Avoidance coping is considered unhealthy because it often increases stress without helping us process and actively deal with the situation. Additionally, there are many people who continue to fight against anxiety, causing a never-ending struggle. These responses can cause increased symptoms and decreased quality of life. 


With this said, acceptance is a concept that has been explored by therapists who utilize Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. This new wave of managing anxiety has been helpful for many people – including those that traditional Cognitive Behavioral Therapy methods have not worked for. 


 Acceptance can be defined as: “actively contacting psychological experiences - directly, fully, and without needless defense - while behaving effectively” (Hayes et al., 1996, p. 1157). It focuses on developing a new relationship with emotions and sensations by learning to sit with negative emotions without attempting to change them. This can prove challenging, although helpful if practiced. We know that a large part of the human experience is attempting to avoid these unpleasant emotions and feelings. How many times have you attempted to avoid unpleasant emotions? Did it make you feel worse? Did it cause stress? 


One strategy used in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy is “drop the rope.” Think about this, anxiety is a monster pulling on the rope you’re desperately hanging onto. You’re using all your efforts, mentally and physically to pull back – causing struggle. Sometimes, the more you fight, the more the “monster” fights back. This is a much different concept than Cognitive Behavioral Therapy where the focus is on reframing, restructuring cognitions, and thought stopping. Many times we don’t have control over our thoughts.


Once you’re able to drop the rope (practice acceptance) – it becomes easier to move forward, focus on your values, and do the things that are fulfilling for you. This involves contact with the present moment – “here and now.” For example, let’s say you’re sitting in your living room and experiencing anxiety about an upcoming presentation at work. “What if it doesn’t go well?” Your children are playing around you and your partner is cooking dinner. How does this affect you? How do you feel? By actively choosing acceptance and mindfulness – you can bring yourself back to the present, experiencing the things around you that you value (i.e. family). 


​When we continue to fight we take value and moments away from our daily life. Acceptance is not giving up, acceptance is recognizing where you are and focusing on what is important to you. It also involves being mindful of where you exert your energy. It focuses on letting go of negative thoughts, emotions, and worries.


Mindfulness is a helpful practice promoting acceptance and focusing on the present without judgement. For example, noticing the thoughts that come into your mind – but allowing them to float by as if they are a passing cloud. It is also important to be kind to yourself when experiencing anxiety, in turn, helping to decrease anger, sadness, and disappointment. 


Grounding 5-4-3-2-1 is another technique that focuses on the five senses. When you are feeling overly anxious, overwhelmed, or stressed – take a moment to take in your surroundings:

1. • FIVE things you can see
   • FOUR things you can feel
   • THREE things you can hear
   • TWO things you can smell
   • ONE thing you can taste

Other helpful strategies include practicing gratitude daily by going on a gratitude walk or journaling. It may also be helpful to write your worries down on a piece of paper – defining if they are realistic or unrealistic – even ripping it up and throwing it away after the activity.  In addition, exercising and eating healthy are key in managing stress and anxiety.


These are a few strategies to help work toward becoming our authentic, present selves. It’s important to learn to love ourselves and develop self-compassion. We are capable of moving forward to make decisions that enable us to enjoy the small, daily pieces of our lives and focus on the present. If you need help working toward acceptance, managing anxiety, or just need someone to talk to please reach out to Elephant Rock to schedule a session.


Steph Metter, M.A., LPC
Elephant Rock Counseling 
​Kirkwood, MO



References:
Hayes S. C., Wilson K. G., Gifford E. V., Follette V. M., Strosahl K. (1996). Experiential avoidance and behavioral disorders: a functional dimensional approach to diagnosis and treatment. J. Consult.
Hayes S. C., Strosahl K. D, Wilson K. G. (1999). Acceptance and commitment therapy: an experiential approach to behavior change. Guilford Press. 


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