FINDING BALANCEIn our modern world, many, most or maybe even all of us, spend the majority of our time either “doing something” or “thinking about what we have to do next.” We consider time for self-compassion and self-care a luxury and don’t engage in it unless we can “find the time.” We live under the shadow of the “Puritan Work Ethic” that hovers over us like an overlord chastising us for taking time off for fun instead of doing something productive. The “shoulds” are always in the back of our minds. Indeed, this is our normal operating system. Whatever time we aren’t doing or planning the next task, we are likely judging ourselves for what we haven’t yet done. There are significant rewards for our diligence. If there weren’t we wouldn’t continue. We are hard workers. We have accomplished a tremendous amount. We are basically good people. We are about others. We volunteer, donate to causes and are active in our communities, our schools, churches, synagogues, mosques and our children’s extra-curricular activities. All of these are important and help to build and maintain neighborhoods and communities. Yet there are downsides to our extremely busy active lives – if we don’t find balance. What are some of the downsides of a life that is heavy on the doing side? Some symptoms that you might be doing too much are: low energy, loss of interest in activities you previously enjoyed, more susceptible to sickness and injury, feeling overwhelmed, difficulty concentrating, excessive blaming, bottled up emotions, isolating, substance misuse are a few. If not attended "compassion fatigue" can lead to eventual burnout. These can also be symptoms of depression or can lead to even more serious problems. The word compassion is defined as: “1) a feeling of deep sympathy and sorrow for another who is stricken by misfortune, 2) accompanied by a strong desire to alleviate suffering.” While the official definition of compassion is “sorrow for another and a desire to alleviate suffering (for another),” self-compassion is often seen as feeling sorry for ourselves and to be avoided. However, if we allow ourselves to engage in and take time for self-care, we might avoid the need for suffering or at least to mitigate it. What are the myths you believe, either consciously or sub-consciously, that prevent you for self-care and block your ability for self-compassion? What would change if you not only permitted but actively practiced self-care in your daily life? How can we become more resilient to the challenges and opportunities, avoid burn-out and experience more joy in our lives? It’s not all doom and gloom! We can make the choice to notice and make changes. Sometimes it’s simply a matter of creating space to recharge our energy and rejuvenate ourselves. There are a number of tools available to help us assess if what we are doing matches what we want to be doing and how it fits what is truly important to us. Once we figure that out, we can begin to adjust the What Is with What We Want/Need to build in resilience and balance. I like to use a simple Balance Wheel to begin to explore how we are structuring our lives. (See attached) In our last blog, Chad talked about the values of mindfulness. One easy and effective way to begin to build in self-care and increase resilience is to be more conscious of what’s going on both internally and externally. You might begin by noticing your thoughts, sensations in the body, your emotions, what’s going on around you. You can focus on your breath and simply allow the moment. Notice colors, listen to sounds, become more aware of smells, if your mouth feels dry, take a sip of water and notice the sensations as you swallow and do it without judging. See if you can give yourself permission to enjoy – just this one moment. I have attached a short guided mindfulness if you would like to try something like this. (See below) Morning, Noon & Night Mindfulness Awareness: Consider taking time in the morning when you first get up to breath, settle into your body and consider the day taking time to observe, separating yourself from the doing. Sometime mid-day, stop, breath and notice what you are thinking, what’s going on around you paying attention. At the end of the day before you go to sleep, settle in your bed, feel the sheets, take a full breath and let it go, allowing your body to relax as you release your breath. Gently begin to recall the events of the day, again as a watchful observer, letting go of judgements about good or bad, right or wrong. You might even find yourself feeling some gratitude for what went well and acknowledging what you learned. Avoid a tendency to delve in deeply or start planning for tomorrow. Imagine just allowing the day to go and simply be present with your body and mind, giving yourself permission to rest and renew. Build on success and learn from failure. It’s about balance. If these steps aren’t helping and symptoms increase, problems with relationships, excessive use of substances, internet addiction, poor self-care (hygiene, appearance), depression, insomnia (chronic), apathy, consider talking with your doctor or seeing a counselor. Feel free to give us a call at Elephant Rock. Catching problems when they are small can keep them from becoming overwhelming. San Mueller, M.Ed. LPC, DBT San is a Licensed Professional Counselor with Elephant Rock Counseling, LLC. San specializes in therapies that utilize mindfulness based principles such as Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT). She enjoys teaching yoga, spending time with her family, and working with her clients. 
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AuthorsChad Randall, Steph Metter, and San Mueller are all licensed professional counselors who practice in Missouri. Archives
January 2021
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